In the very beginning of my life, I was the happiest ever, greeting and interacting with whomever I met with an innocent purity you only can witness in a child without a trouble in the world. But in my past teenage years, something changed, as it usually does for most people during these periods. Parts of my brain was growing and evolving, parts that was responsible for trying to make sense of the world around me. The problem at first was that this need of making sense out of things, became a compulsive need for independent thinking, far over the verge of rebelliousness. As I ran about in my life, questioning everything, not making the least effort to listen and understand, the world around me started to get very gray, and eventually dark. As I call it, I entered “the void”, drifting around, without either purpose, meaning, nor the will to live. During the early stages of this period, a pain started growing inside me, like a tumor. This pain grew like nothing I ever could have imagined, as it started to affect every aspect of my life. I started to push people away, isolating myself, because I didn’t want to drag them down with me. As life went on, questions of my existence started to arise, the very nature of my own reality. It felt as the feeling of my self, was dissolving into the ever nothingness of the universe. As this destructive force went on inside me, it took away, what I considered then, all that a man could ever live for.
I started to accept the fact that I was just wired this way, as I thought, some people turn out happy, and others not and that life is just an ever-flowing river of events, bound by a force I was not yet familiar with.
But now, reminiscing about what really went through my mind during these never-ending years, I was just like everybody else, trying to fit in somewhere, like a cell in a bigger whole, an organism per say. My brain was just simply unwilling to accept anything that had incurred from history, and existed as a product of our time. Because most things today, as we know them, is an inter-subjective construct, a reality which only exists together in our minds, kept and fostered to make us work as collected entities, instead of separate. An evolutionary product which is produced in our brain.
I wanted something real and my ambition was relentless, and the pain in ripping everything I knew about my world into pieces was suffocating.
So I went to nature for meaning and purpose, and somehow I came about the ever driving force of the universe, a force that is permanent and uncompromising, namely evolution. At first, this perspective, as it was the only one I could accept, just made things worse. What is there to life, if everything either just improves or dies? I felt empty, but looked at the people around me, and realised that the most satisfying thing is actually to improve, to get better at things, to connect and build relationships with people you share interest or love with, and in the contrary to this, the most unsatisfying things is to stagnate, to decline, both intellectually and “spiritually”. Meaning to eat, shit, and sleep all day like a dog, consuming social media, addictive substances and porn, and to complain all day as to why things are the way they are.
As I started to align myself, with the help of meditation, as well as intensive reading, I finally started to find what I had been searching for, meaning and purpose.
This perspective was without a doubt, very intellectually hard and complex to adapt, but what it promises truly shadows the pain that I went through. As I still believe I am nothing in the eyes of the universe, that my sense of existence is just a mere product of evolution, I am simultaneously everything. Part of something infinitely big that was once infinitely small. As I have been evolving since my depression, I have started to embrace pain like nothing before, because now it is a signal to me, a signal of progress, an opportunity to grow and reflect. I have now embarked on an everyday journey to disarm most of my own evolutionary mechanism that was composed, once highly relevant to further our survival and reproduction, but now in our modern times, irrelevant and destructive. This may sound confusing to some, and completely logical to others, I will, however, dive deep into this, in posts categorized “Evolutionary Alignment”.
To make things as clear as possible, the sole purpose of this blog is to further the evolvement of our species and to help you gain the best tools to tackle life most intimidating tests. I could not care more about the pigment in your skin, the history of “your people”, or your religion (all fundamental reasons for dividing us into competing collectives), which must be disarmed for us to unite strongly against the pressure which the natural order of reality will put us through this decade. This mechanism of making us work in groups rather than as one was once very important, because the food was scarce and the environment tough, but we are not cave men anymore.
If your ambition to grow is genuine and unquestionable, I welcome you with all my heart, as one rapidly evolving organism.
Every day as I observe the world around me, I see how things could be done so much better and more effectively, and it was not until lately that I decided that it was time to make a conscious effort. As most of our daily decisions derive from our subconscious-self, our only way to improve beyond our hardware, is to program our selves with a framework deep-seated in how reality operates, and from this direct the course of our species to something we all can look forward to.
The future before us may seem more daunting than promising and there is a lot today that we fight over. So the thought of achieving something we all can be grateful and cherish over, might seem impossible. But I can with complete confidence, and maybe even arrogance, say that it is not impossible, it is the very opposite. And in a way, we must, as we are heading towards a breakpoint in the near future, caused by the technological advancements that have been made and will be made, and the movements in the job markets in tandem with today’s patterns of consumption and destructive behavior. An increasing amount of people are becoming economically worthless, consuming more than they produce while the environmental disasters are shaking the plain fields for each day that goes. And just as I am deeply worried of the massive amounts of people drifting around without a purpose nor a worry in the world, blind for what is to come if we do not act, I am simultaneously positive and hopeful, if we as one gather great forces to align our wills and goals for a counterweight to this tragic development.
What I mean by this is, that the time we are living in is calling for the greatest adaptation man has ever witnessed, and if we do not, we as species will break into chaos and disorder.
That’s why it is more important now than ever before to study yourself, triangulate with believable people around you, dwell into to the mysteries of your surroundings, and for heaven’s sake, stop operating emotionally in the moment, making your life just a series of undirected emotional experiences, going from one thing to the next. We need to adapt beyond what has yet seemed possible, beyond the limits of the daily struggle of scarcity that our ancestors tampered with. We are better than our primate fellows of this earth, at least I dare to say so.
The values that this author operates under and as you must do yourself, for the sake of your own and the people around you, is radical transparency, open-mindedness, and the most important of them all, radical truth, no matter how painful it is. I encourage everyone here to openly debate and question me, as well as each other, but only with the purpose of discovering the truth, not to feed your own tiny worthless egos or to keep your simplified and false reality intact, to flee from the pain and progress possible if it were disintegrated.
“This of course, includes my own reality, because nothing is static.”